It’s been awhile, but I’m back. This is some of the fun I had with some friends while I was away. We pulled the “Floating Cup in the Drive Thru” prank. Obviously we didn’t get an interesting reaction every time, but these were some of the better ones. One would think anyone working at a drive thru would at least be entertained by this, but then again, dealing with the people driving through, I wouldn’t be surprised if the people working had their sense of humor sucked out of them everyday.
I Need To Find a New Favorite Day of the Week
(I feel it is necessary to start by saying that I do not own nor do I have the rights to the video above. All rights are reserved for ARK MUSIC FACTORY. Youtube does have an embed code, hence I am able to embed this video in my rant for your viewing pleasure. All that being said, I do have the right to critique and voice my opinion on this video)
Oh, Friday, you used to be my favorite day of the week. You symbolize the end of the hard week and the beginning of the enjoyable weekend. I cannot begin to express my utmost sympathy for you. You did nothing to deserve the pain this “song” has caused you. The video above is the most recent viral video to hit the net. If you have not yet watched it, you will not understand the following post. I advise you try to sit through the entire video before reading any further.
I don’t know where to begin. Both the song and the video are just so inviting to insults I can’t decide which to knock first. This is a MUSIC VIDEO, so let’s critique them both at the same time shall we? Going chronologically makes the most sense, so that is how I will conduct my rant. I have to admit that the note card idea was interesting and I did enjoy that. Sadly, the video goes downhill from there. First thing I noticed about the song was the auto-tune. OK, I guess I can let that go considering that nearly every song today uses it. OK fine, let’s skip that. So she goes downstairs and everything is in fast forward behind her. That’s cool, but I found it quite funny that the lips did not match up to the voice at all. Right after she leaves the house comes my favorite scene of the video. She’s waiting at the bus stop and sees her friends pull up. Is it just me, or does anyone else think all of them look under seventeen. They can’t be driving with more than one person in the car! If you’re going to have more than one person in the car MAKE SURE THEY HAVE ON THEIR SEAT BELTS AND ARE SITTING DOWN! Where the hell are the police when you need them? OK, now she wants to know, which seat she can take. Well Miss, there are currently four people in the car and five seats. Considering your friends are old enough to drive, I’m assuming you all can do the math.
Let’s take it to the chorus. The chorus is actually not too shabby. I did laugh though when the girl in the passenger seat was swimming through the air with her hand. Now they are abiding by the law, but to the boy driving, I have one thing to say: KEEP YOUR HANDS ON THE WHEEL SIR!
Now I’m assuming they are going to a party considering the change of car and the change of attire. Once again I cannot stress the importance of wearing one’s seatbelt enough. Also, if she claims she’s on the highway, then why the hell is she sitting on top of the car? Now we approach the first line of bad lyric writing: “You know what it is/I got this/You got this/…Now you know it”….What do I know??? What is it??? What is this??? What do I got (besides bad grammar)??? I doubt I’ll ever get those questions answered because she immediately asks once again which seat she can take. Now I am beginning to doubt her math skills. Miss Black, four people in the car, plus you, equals five people, hence you only have one seat option since everyone else is already seated. Someone get her a tutor ASAP!
I’ll skip the chorus this time for fear of being repetitive, but now we come to the best part of the song. Do you remember when you were in Kindergarten and you learned the days of the week? Well in case you are still having trouble, have no fear! Rebecca Black is here!
Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today it is Friday, Friday (Partyin’)
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
We gonna have a ball todayTomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes after… wards
I don’t want this weekend to end
I think we have another Rhodes Scholar here! I guess considering her previous problems with math we should be happy that she can remember the days let alone in order. These have to be some of the worst lyrics of all time. This is one time that the artist will not want to take credit for the lyrics. I thought rap was lazy, but now that I heard these stanzas that must have been thrown together in a matter of seconds by a kindergartener, I almost feel bad about knocking rap….almost.
Cue the cliché meaningless rap! During this rap I got the feeling that maybe this entire video is just a subliminal message about bad driving and driving manners. The driver is not paying attention to the road whatsoever and it looks like he has his eyes closed 90% of the time.
Yes! Now we’re in the home stretch! Let’s end it with another round of the chorus! This time she is somewhat dancing and singing in front of her friends, but I find the way the people are dancing quite entertaining. They look like they’re just kind of flailing aimlessly. Maybe they realized how bad the song was too and just didn’t want to be there?
YOU MADE IT! YOU’RE DONE! You have just completed watching (and reading about) one of the worst songs/music videos ever created.
Doctor’s Orders: People have been debating whether or not this video is meant to be a joke or if this is the new Justin Bieber. To me it’s one in the same, but what do you think? Leave me a comment telling me what you think of the video and my analysis.
“Congratulations on Your Failure” (Creating the Wimps of the Future)
After seeing this commercial one night I realized that while, yes, optimism is great, there’s a limit. I consider myself a realist; neither a pessimist nor an optimist. This commercial reminds me very much of the “participation trophies” that are handed out during every sport nowadays. Every kid receives one of these trophies no matter how hard he tried or much time he spent practicing. This sickens me. Why does the child putting forth an abysmal amount of effort deserve a trophy as if he won something? “Way to go kid, you came in last, but here’s a trophy.” This is only going to worsen the child’s attitude towards practicing. What’s his motivation for being the very best if he knows he’s going to be rewarded for no matter what he does in the end?
We are raising a generation of wimps. So many kids cry now when they don’t win, and you know what? THAT’S GOOD. Get me straight here: I get no enjoyment out of crying kids, but it is for their own good. Not everyone can win in life (hell, most people don’t), so a little bit of disappointment at an early age is healthy. In most people, failure creates a desire to want to be better. If we reward their failure, then why would they ever want to try harder and exert more effort? Babying kids now is just going to create more problems down the road. They won’t make every team they try out for. They won’t get an A on every test. They won’t get into every college they apply to, and they certainly won’t get every job they apply for. So why give them everything they want now and get their hopes up?
Competition is what fuels our passion to be the best. If it wasn’t for competition, we would be without many of the common day items that we use frequently. Look around you. Everything you see was created for a purpose or to fill a need. Someone put his time and effort into making that product, and do you think he was rewarded every time he failed? NO! Of course not! If he was, he wouldn’t have continued to perfect the product and you’d be staring at a half-broken piece of junk. He knew that if he didn’t get the job done, his boss would fire him and find someone who would. Competition drives the economy. Greed is a good thing. Only the strong and determined will prevail and this is a good thing. The only way to better ourselves as a country is to encourage competition. Life truly is about the “Survival of the Fittest.”
Doctor’s Orders: Competition drives every aspect of our lives. Rewarding kids for their failures or shortcomings is just going to make losing worse in the future. I say we get rid of the whole “Participation Trophy” idea and give only a trophy for first, second, and possibly even third place. Olympic contestants don’t get awards for coming in last, so why should we advocate this idea early on? What doesn’t kill us can only make us stronger, so why wouldn’t you want the kids of today (our future) to be strong?
“Who Are You?” “I’m Whoever You Want Me To Be” (Conformity At Its Finest)
“Be yourself.”- That’s what they say: society, the educational system, etc. What they really mean to say is, “Be yourself…as long as it coincides with the societal norm.”
We’re told to think for ourselves and ask questions, but are we truly free to think for ourselves? With the media telling you what to do, or who to be, do you know who you really are? Have you changed your personality? Your appearance? The way you speak your mind? How outgoing you are? Most importantly, can you say you are proud of who you are and the path you have laid down for your future?
This past Saturday was the anniversary of 9/11. I was old enough at the time of the event to still have memories of the pictures I saw on TV and the chaos I saw around me, whether it be in my relatives or in the strangers on TV. Here I am nine years later, more educated on the subject certainly, but am I more certain of what had happened that day? We are taught one thing, but inevitably, we are still going to have thoughts on the opposite side of the spectrum. I will never forget watching a video about 9/11 in my US History class and asking my teacher why it is that we are not allowed to watch conspiracy videos on that subject, but we are allowed to watch them on the Kennedy Assassination. I was told that they (teachers and administration, I’m assuming) didn’t want to persuade me towards either side of the argument. Isn’t it persuading me towards one side by showing me the “government accepted” video as compared to a conspiracy film? I was told the subject is still too highly controversial to discuss a possible conspiracy. Please tell me if I’m wrong, but I believe that if a subject is still “too highly controversial,” then we should be discussing all views on it.
My sister is big into watching these 9/11 documentaries and I asked her what she thought of it all (seeing that she was five years old at the time and it’s doubtful that she would remember anything). She didn’t know how to respond except with a few things she had learned in school. After a conversation with her, it seemed as if she could only reply with things she had learned from school. She couldn’t express her feelings on the subject, nor would she accept anything that I said regarding the event that might have been slightly contrary to what she had been taught. I told her she needs to learn to question her surroundings and never take anything at face value, but it seems as if she’s already been brought up to believe everything that she hears for the first time. Education should be all-encompassing and should take on many views (contrary or not to the administration’s beliefs) and educate the students so they can come to their own conclusions and not one that society has already put in place for them.
Thinking your own thoughts is one thing, but expressing them is an entirely different ballgame. I know too many people who are some of the most brilliant and intelligent people I know, but they are too afraid to speak their mind or voice their opinions. Just because their thoughts are different from those commonly accepted, doesn’t mean that they should be hidden from the public. Most people try to avoid confrontation at any cost, but I say confrontation can be a good thing. I’m not advocating fist fights, but rather a heated debate. Debates can help another person to possibly accept the other’s views and it can only help further one’s knowledge about his or her surroundings. If you say something and everyone stares blankly at you and the situation becomes unbearably awkward, you know what? So be it. So effin’ be it. Who cares what they think? You spoke your mind and as long as you didn’t hurt anyone in the process, was there really a downside besides the little bit of awkwardness that will be forgotten by the next day? No. You will never have to wonder what would have resulted if you did speak your mind, but didn’t. Everyday, I try to live my life to its fullest extent. If something catches my eye, I go for it. If I want to do something, then gosh darn it, I do it. If i want to say something, then you better believe that I am going to say it because there’s nothing worse than wondering what could have been.
Doctor’s Orders: As corny and cliché as it sounds: be yourself. Question your surroundings. It is good to be skeptical. Don’t take anything at face value. Seek to further your knowledge of your surrounding world. Don’t dumb yourself down to try to relate to someone else. Don’t change your appearance because that style is “in.” If you don’t like it, then it’s not “in” for you. Find music that speaks to you, and then your peers. Feel free to say no. Keep your head up and ears open. Just because you may be different from one group of people, doesn’t mean you’re different from everyone. Lastly, don’t just survive; thrive. Do what you want. Act on your primal instincts. Dare to challenge the norm. Seize the moment.
“Arm Farm?” Is That Another Phrase For A “Farmer’s Tan?”
It’s been roughly a month since the “Arm Farm” or “Silly Bandz” fad swept our communities. These bracelets, or rubber bands, or whatever you want to call them can be bought at your local drugstore for $1.00. Yes, this pack is very inexpensive, but think about how much it costs to make each band. It probably costs the company a penny for every five they make.
I don’t think anyone really knows how this fad started. Contrary to popular belief though, this is not the first time the wristbands have been in circulation. It is just for some reason that now they are coming back in style. My thirteen year old sister has an “Arm Farm” nearly up to her elbow. It seems like this could be a hazard. Is it really worth it to have some funky looking rubber band around your wrist cutting off your circulation? I certainly don’t think so.
From top left to bottom right: Mermaid, Unicorn, Genie, Dragon, Phoenix, and a Guy Whose Happy To See Me (?)
POKEMON CARDS!!! That’s what these are. These are just Pokemon cards you wear on your wrist. The bands are crazy little animals and other tacky little shapes and objects. My sister went out to Walgreen’s to get a bunch of packs so she could go to school and trade them. Every day she comes home with some new shape on her wrist. I see people trading them everywhere. I can’t argue that some of the designs are pretty neat, but overall, I just don’t see the point. I have a friend who wears a mermaid, a phoenix, and a unicorn on his wrist to name a few bands. In the picture above, I cannot figure out the band on the bottom right. Leave me a comment telling me what you think it is.
Certainly one or two here and there isn’t terrible, but it’s obnoxious to see the person next to you have a rainbow all the way up his or her arm of these jagged rubberbands. This wouldn’t be so bad if the person didn’t feel compelled to show you EACH and EVERY ONE OF THEM! Look dude, I really couldn’t care less about the odd looking flamingo that takes you five minutes just to pull off your wrist and unfold. Don’t bother people with what you think is bragging.
Doctor’s Orders: Judge people on their personality, ideals, morals, or anything else character related for that matter, but DON’T judge someone on their “Arm Farm.” Not many people see it, but I do. I can see these bands becoming the sign of a cult. Soon there’s going to be special gang sign bracelets, and these bracelets are going to become identifiers. I guess on the other hand though, these are a little bit safer than getting a gang-identifying tattoo. That little positive comment aside, we don’t need these identifiers because how long is it going to be until you get into a fight because you’re part of the “Unicorns” and the other person is part of the “Phoenix Clan?” Lastly, if you’re cutting your wrists, these bands are going to cover up your cuts. How are we supposed to know to get you help? These “Arm Farms” ARE detrimental to your health. Yes, that might have been a little extreme, but I like to keep my wrists pure and free of cuts and bracelets, thank you. That is why I am promoting “AFTER: Arm Farms To Eternal Rest.” If real farms are going out of style, why do we want them on our arms?
I have a job for you internet folk out there: Tell me what your “Arm Farm” consists of.
Human Trafficking Is Bad Enough Without It Being Intergalactic
“If aliens visit us, the outcome would be much as when Columbus landed in America, which didn’t turn out well for the Native Americans” (Stephen Hawking, BBC News)
Oh Mr. Hawking, why aren’t there more reasonable people out there like you? With recent talks of possible alien contact I have started to ponder the possibility of meeting extra terrestrials. I loved watching “E.T.” as a child, so why wouldn’t I love the possibility of that movie coming to life? Like Mr. Hawking said, think about the Native Americans which were oh so willing to give us their land. We brought weapons and disease to their blithe lifestyle and we nearly caused them to go extinct. Now they’re living on tiny reserves that are in no way a decent compromise.
We need to think about this. If aliens come to Earth, that means that they are so technologically advanced that they could easily wipe our civilization out or worse: enslave us. I don’t know about you all out there, but I really have no desire to massage the aliens’ tentacles or whatever the hell they have. We currently have a major problem throughout the world with sex slaves and human trafficking. I don’t really want to be sold half way across town, let alone halfway across the universe. Funny thing is, some of you are going to say: “Oh, well, we can communicate with them and work out friendly negotiations.” I don’t think so. The closest thing we have to a modern-day Pocahontas is Sarah Palin and her best response will be, “Gee Golly, Mr. Ambassador, I see you’re a maverick and all, but I don’t think you should enslave us. I can see your planet from my house ya’know.” Actually, if we send Palin out there, maybe the aliens will realize that our knowledge actually is pretty limited.
Pocahontas Does NOT Equal Palin
We have seen aliens conveyed in so many different ways in the media. That cute little alien from “Toy Story” and Alien from “Alien” are just two examples of extra terrestrial life. Whether we get eaten by the little mouth inside Alien’s mouth or we die of cuteness overload from the squeaky alien toy, death is death. Although, once again, I am somewhat more scared of what comes out of Sarah Palin’s mouth than Alien’s mouth (I don’t know where all this Palin bashing is coming from, but I’m not apologizing). The downfall of the cinema is that the humans always win. When real aliens invade, this most certainly will not be the case.
NO WAY Ahnuld Could Take On A Mob Of These Bad Boys
Doctor’s Orders: Look out your window before you open your door, it might just be an alien. We all need to cover ourselves in mud to make sure we can’t be sensed. Yes, I know that’s to keep Predators away, but I think in our scenario, we can classify them as aliens since they are certainly not from our planet. We need to stay in packs and be careful of the religious aspect. When Columbus came to America he was looking to spread religion. Next thing you know, these aliens are going to try to convert us to “The Church Of The Claw” or something like that, and then we’ll get another religion. This new religion will lead to new EXTREMISTS, which will lead to terrorism and wars, and then we’ll feel the need to send our troops halfway across the universe to fight some war which doesn’t even pertain to us. Lastly, and possibly the most important thing we need to think about is HEALTHCARE. I know healthcare is a highly debated subject, but my little two cents to put in this massive mess is that these aliens will receive healthcare benefits now that the new bill has been passed. I don’t care about those other wannabe “aliens”, I’m talking about the real aliens getting healthcare. They’re not coming from across a country border, they’re coming across the border of the universe, and to me, they SHOULD NOT get healthcare. SAY “NO” TO INTERGALACTIC COMMUNICATION!
iPad or iBad?
Same as four iPads?
Is bigger always better? Not in this case. The new iPad released by Apple is basically a big iTouch. I will admit how this is an interesting little (not really) toy. When you think about it though, it’s just one big inconvenience. It won’t fit in your pocket first of all. Second, it’s not like a laptop where you can type and look at the screen without looking at your fingers. I don’t know about you all, but I HATE typing on my iTouch. It’s always changing my typos or abbreviations into words I don’t mean, and on the iPad, you won’t be able to see what you’re typing. Do this now: put your fingers flat on your desk and try typing with all of your fingers. Uncomfortable isn’t it? This won’t be like the iTouch where you can use just your fingers because u can hold it in your hands and have your thumbs reach all of the keys. This is just going to be a burden.
iPad Nano: The iPad that fits in your pocket. Oh, and it makes phone calls.
Along with the iPad (which I expect to be a major flop), people are also frustrated with recent changes and declarations by Apple’s iTunes. Apple has decided to raise the prices on many applications as well as songs and videos. Songs are now $1.29 plus tax and are expected to become more expensive in the upcoming months. Movies are also expensive. Who wants to pay $14.99 for a movie they can only watch on their iPod and Apple TV? Who the hell even has an Apple TV anyways? I’m in no way advocating piracy or that you disregard the “No Copy” laws on DVDs, but if Apple wants to get more people to buy their movies, the price should definitely go down. There are tons of programs where for a mere one time charge of $30, one can rip and convert unlimited DVDs to his or her computer. Like the DVDs, no one wants to pay $1.29 + tax for music. Apple, it’s craziness like this that compels people to use Limewire and other file sharing sites. Would you rather make $0.99 or $0, Apple? The last declaration they have made is regarding the content of applications. They are banning any “inappropriate” content in applications. Such inappropriate content includes, nudity, anything or anyone in a bathing suit, or anything with a sexual connotation. How did the SI Swimsuit App and Playboy App get through? As well as these, anyone surfing the App Store can find multiple “Sexy truth or Dare” type apps or applications regarding other sexual related concepts. What’s the only reason these apps are still in the store? CORRUPTION. Sports Illustrated and Playboy have enough money to get themselves out of anything and everything. This is WRONG. There’s so many children using iTouchs, so what’s the need to expose them to this kind of filth so early in their innocent childhood. Do you really need an app to think of “Sexy Questions” or to “Better Your Sex Life.” This is just more exploitation of America’s fascination with SEX, SEX, SEX.
Doctor’s Orders: Let’s not buy these filthy applications. In regards to movies and music, I’m not going to say to pirate or get your fill of illegal music and movies, but I am going to suggest actually buying a CD (Go ask your parents what those are). Many stores have sales on new music and movies. For movies, go buy the DVD for the same price as in iTunes. Do your best to find the DVDs with “Digital Copies.” Almost all DVDs come with digital copies now to get people to buy the DVDs. Lastly, do yourself a favor and save your $600. Don’t buy an iPad. Go get a laptop. The smart move would be to buy an Apple laptop, which, for students, comes with a free iTouch. In this economy, we all need to spend our money in an educated manner.
If It’s Really NO BIG DEAL, Why’d You Say It In The First Place?
“NBD,” “Don’t worry about it, and ” LOL” are just a few phrases often heard when in a group of people. Some things are easy enough to do or say instead of abbreviating. IT TAKES NO EFFORT TO ACTUALLY SAY WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY. An example of heard recently is “B-T-DUBS.” C’mon! Why can’t you just say “by the way?” It’s the same amount of syllables! Sorry everyone, you don’t sound any more “gangsta” for speaking like this. Quite frankly, you sound like an IDIOT….
Probably my biggest pet peeve out of the annoying overly used phrases is “Don’t worry about it.” Hey, if you didn’t want me to worry about it, why the hell did you even say it in the first place? Obviously everyone mutters things under his or her breath every once in a while that the speaker doesn’t want anyone to hear, but the thought slips out, but there’s always a little part of the speaker that wants people to hear his or her thoughts. Let’s keep our idiotic comments to ourselves from now on if we don’t want people hearing them, ok?
I heard this next one for the first time just a few weeks ago, but since then, I’ve heard it almost everyday.The phrase ”NBD,” or “No Big Deal” for our less “hip” readers, cannot be more worthless. Once again, NBD is the same amount of syllables as No Big Deal, so you’re really not saving any energy by saying it. You might even be using more energy because you’ll have to explain to some one why you even bothered using a stupid acronym for three little words. Also, people say something wasn’t a big deal to sound superior, so by saying NBD is somehow supposed to make someone sound more godly? You sound arrogant, and no one likes a pompous jerk.
While the other two phrases can be somewhat rationalized, “LOL” and “LULZ” cannot. LOL means “laugh out loud,” so how about we try to be a little less lazy and, oh I don’t know, actually laugh out loud? At least LOL actually means something, but LULZ has no meaning whatsoever! Is that the plural form of LOL? Is it quiet laughter? Please, someone explain it to me. SERIOUSLY?!?!?! After a little research, I have found that “lul” actually means….well…..err…… its Dutch slang for penis. Now, I can honestly say that I have NO IDEA why people are using this instead of laughing (except that any Dutch person who receives a “LULZ” text I am sure will “LOL”).
Doctor’s Orders: We need to stop being lazy and actually say and do what we mean. If something’s funny, then laugh damnit! If we weren’t meant to hear something, then don’t say it. If you were so compelled to say something, then don’t tell us “don’t worry about it.” Lastly, if you feel really compelled to tell me it’s ”not a big deal,” then tell me it’s not a big deal. Don’t just spurt out “NBD!” because you just sound stupid.
Adding A Laugh Track Doesn’t Make A Show Funny
What are three things that can survive a nuclear war? Cockroaches, Twinkies, and Disney Channel I’m convinced. It seems that no matter what garbage is thrown on that disgrace of a channel, Disney Channel still has millions upon millions of viewers. Last night, I had to babysit my five-year old sister for a few hours. She insisted on watching Disney Channel. Even though I CAN”T STAND Disney Channel, I gave in to her wants, because, hell, I was getting paid so I really didn’t care. I did realize though why I couldn’t stand these shows to begin with. Below are the most popular shows on Disney Channel according to TVGuide.com (As well as my two sisters):
What do you get when you mix a ditzy sixteen year old girl with a pop star alter-ego? Amazingly, a money-making machine called “Hannah Montana.” This mediocre show is about the “average” boy-crazy teenage girl who throws on a wig and all of a sudden becomes a rock 
star by night. She’s got the two “best buds” who are always there to add their unwanted one liners. She goes on wild adventures with these two friends, which always amounts to some kind of liquid or food hitting one of them in the face. *Queue the laugh track.* THAT’S NOT FUNNY! If these senseless adventures aren’t annoying enough, there’s always some kind of side adventure with the brother (who somehow is 32 in real life, but 18 in the show? ). Like almost all other shows on TV, there needs to be some idiot of a man. Hey Disney, would you mind not playing into the “How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?” stereotype? The brother is supposed to portray the typical teenage guy. Nine out of Ten teenage guys are not as immature or have as bad hygiene as this disgrace of a man.
There seems to be a pattern in these Disney Channel shows. “Wizards of Waverly Place” once again promotes and ignorant and ditzy girl with an eccentric brother. Surprisingly though, this time there is an intelligent brother who is seen as the “ideal wizard.” Although no one seems to like this brother, I give Disney credit to slightly backing away from the stereotype listed above. These three wizard children live in a sub sandwich shop owned by their father (a former wizard) and their mother (a regular human). The father is played by David Deluise, otherwise known as the son of the late Dom Deluise: a phenomenal actor who starred in countless Hollywood movies during his prime. It’s a shame to see the offspring of such a great actor be wasted on a show like “Wizards.” Each and every one of the episodes can be summed up as follows: The girl wizard is self-centered so she makes something to help or amuse herself, then something goes terribly wrong, and she somehow puts the entire world in jeopardy, so the good brother comes in and fixes everything with the help of the father. Finally the daughter appeases the father by saying she’s learned some unsaid lesson. The universe is now safe until the next episode where this horrific cycle repeats. Disney once again hits the viewers with the corny puns and one-liners. *Queue the laugh track*? I think so. If one listens closely, he or she can hear that this laugh track is indeed the exact same as the one used for “Hannah Montana” and “The Suite Life On Deck.”
The last horrid show on the agenda was this monstrosity called “The Suite Life on Deck.” Way to go Disney, you’ve succeeded in destroying the sometimes funny “pun.” This show was neither “suite” nor “sweet.” The main characters are displayed in the picture to the left. The show follows the two blond kids. One’s a troublemaker and one’s an intelligent neat-freak from what I gathered. The girl on the left of the anchor is the heiress to some fortune and I believe her father owns the boat. This girl is lucky she has the money because she officially created a new level of “stoopid.” I will admit that once one gets past her annoyingness, her stupidity is somewhat comical. The girl on the right of the anchor is nothing short of a “country bumpkin.” It seemed like everything that came out her mouth was about some pig or some southern remedy. OH NO HERE IT COMES!!! *Queue the laugh track.* Lastly, the man hanging off the anchor is the head of the ship. It seemed like he was always getting stuck in the middle of the shenanigans, but don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel sorry for him whatsoever. His fictional character deserves no remorse between his whining sessions and his over-protectiveness.
The thing that bothers me most is that somehow, being on a TV show gives you the ability to sing. Basically everyone in “Hannah Montana” has some form of a record deal outside the show. These people would never even get a glance if they weren’t on Disney Channel. The country girl from “Suite Life” sings apparently and so does the girl from “Wizards.” Every commercial break was filled with some crappy music video from either the Jonas Brothers or one of the above “artists.” I guess this day in age where technology solves every problem, you don’t need a good look to sing. If you get a piece of software behind you, you can make millions as long as you have a susceptible crowd (teenage girls) to market your junk to. This is basically leading me down the road of a Justin Beiber rant, but I’ll save that for next time.
It would be wrong for me to say that not a single Disney Channel show has merit, because that’s not true. Surprisingly enough, “Phineas and Ferb” has some comedic value. The show consists of the two brothers who somehow came to be genius inventors, their sister who is always trying to “bust” them, their pet platypus (actually a secret agent), and an “evil” doctor. Everyday they have different adventures with some actually decent music. These episodes don’t consist of puns, or pies in the face, or putting the world in danger, but just good ‘ol fashion family fun. This is the one show Disney actually got right because they finally realized that the older viewers want to laugh as well. There were a bunch of subliminal jokes that no five-year old would ever pick up, but the older viewers would. I can actually say that I not only didn’t mind watching, but actually enjoyed watching this with my sister. I think it’s safe to say that there’s a little part in everyone that secretly wants his or her summer days to be filled with fun like the brothers have in this show.
Doctor’s Orders: Let’s watch as little Disney Channel as possible, because if we all stop watching then eventually the Disney Channel will cease to exist. It’s all a chain reaction. If Disney Channel shuts down, then they will focus more on movies. These Disney movies, which we all grew up on, will thus become better. If Disney Channel shuts down, we will also have an added bonus: they won’t be able to freeze Walt Disney anymore.
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Valentine’s Day (Single’s Awareness Day)
Be sure to read “PDA” (Directly below this post) beforehand because it will make this more enjoyable.
February 14th (Valentine’s Day) is coming and once again we are reminded of society’s pressure on conformity. Valentine’s Day, otherwise known as “Single’s Awareness Day,” puts the immense stress on everyone to quickly and hastily find a significant other to spend the day with. What better way to do this, then by making elaborate plans or spending large sums of money on expensive chocolates or flowers?
The horrible truth is that these traditions start early. Remember back to elementary school where you would give out a valentine to everyone in your class, but would always make sure to give the certain characters with certain generic sayings to certain people? While it’s awfully nice at this age to give one to everyone and show friendship, there was still obviously the favoritism. You would make sure the one with the nicest saying went to the person that you cared for the most. I did always find it odd though that the biggest valentine never went to your lover, but instead your teacher.
As we get older, we grow away from “friendship-tines,” and migrate toward lovey-dovey cards. It is certainly great to express your love and find someone you are truly happy with, but it is a horrible idea to show your love for the first time on Valentine’s Day. Love should never be commercialized or judged upon the size or cost of a gift. Everyday should be like valentine’s day in that we shouldn’t have to wait for once a year to show how much we care.
Lastly, and I’ve seen this more and more, but DON’T ASK SOMEONE OUT IN A BLOWN OUT OF PROPORTION WAY. If you want to do something cutesy or witty that’s fine. Make a card, write on the board, do something, but don’t make the person awkwardly accept your invitation because he or she doesn’t want to be embarrassed or embarrass the person asking. I think I speak for everyone when I say that everyone watching this little spectacle feels awkward at the same time as the person receiving the proposal.
Doctor’s Orders: Let’s not give in to the Valentine’s Day hype. I say that we not give Hallmark another dime! VALENTINE’S DAY IS JUST A HALLMARK HOLIDAY! It’s all commercialized and based off of outdoing one another, so let’s just forget about it all together and not worry about who has the chocolate rose imported from some factory in France or who is taking who where for dinner.
YOUR JOB??: Be sure to comment on what you like or dislike about Valentine’s Day!
